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[10 Jun 2009|09:50pm]
thinks that he is just tired and you can take everything. you probably would anyway
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[04 May 2009|06:17pm]
i am furious. how dare you not be honest and leave creating this huge mess behind you that i have to clean up. Let alone leaving your family. We were a family. I almost wish you never came along and were so nice if you were just going to piss off without notice and never come back. you broke dad and now you've left him on the floor for me to pick up alone. goodbye

...and you took my dog. i resent you.
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New Job wooo wooo!! [25 Mar 2009|04:30pm]
My life plans have changed so much in the last few weeks! Now i am defering uni -again- because i have my very first Adult job. wooo wooo! Im on contract for $35000 until feb to work at St. George investigating Merchant Policies and that they are sticking to them without being fraudulent. I really didnt think i would get the job but i did. Winner! I am looking so forward to going from $50 a week to $800. I have however, never worked full time and a 37.5 hour week is going to take some getting used to. Im pretty happy that it will force me into being more responsible and less parro during the week! Healthy living!! Wooo Yeah!! OOHHH im like a grown up and have to wear shirt and tie to work in the office. Ohhh my own desk and computer!! OOHHH!!! oooohhhh im excited!! I did however have to cancel my holiday in december that was taking me to Finland, Estonia, Rome, Venice, Austria, Denmark, Norway, Sweden and the UK...but i'll just resume that later. Defering uni is a bugger also because i was just getting so productive, inspired and creative. Never mind! this oportunity wouldnt have come up again, i am replacing someone on maternity leave, so most people only get 3 month contracts, so a 10 month one is very rare! It will be good for my resume and i will learn many office skills. I'm quite excited about having a job where i dont have to intereact with the general public!! no assholes!! woo woo!! i start wednesday in the city. Im a little nervous but quite excited!
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Letter to God [14 Dec 2008|07:20pm]
In other news.........

Oh dear god I’m writing this letter to you
Cause I don’t have a clue
Can you help me?

I’m sitting here
Simply trying to figure out
What my life’s all about it
Can you tell me?

I never wanted to be
The person you see
Won’t you tell me who I am?

I always wanted to die
But you kept me alive
Please tell me who I am

I lie awake conducting this symphony,
That you have gifted to me,
but I don't ever sleep

Don’t get mad
Cause I get weak inside
And I start to fall apart
Cause I feel nothing

I never wanted to be
Some kind of comic relief
Please show me who I am

I been tortured and scorned
Since the day that I was born
But I don’t know who I am

And I thank you man for everything
Sorry I’m so frightened about all of this
Oh I wish I could give you more

But all the lights are shining down on me
And I feel violated by it all

I never wanted to be
The person you see but thank you
Oh god please tell me now
Are you disappointed or are you proud

I’m so sorry I’m so weak
And I turned into a freak
But I don’t know ANYTHING, ANYTHING!

I’ve lost all self-esteem
A million, everything

Oh god please tell me now
God please tell me now
Cause I feel nothing

Oh dear god I’m writing this letter to you
Cause I’m coming undone
Please help me, me
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[14 Dec 2008|07:05pm]
This is a strange time for me. My dreams may be prophecies. I am growing, changing and learning. The next chapter of my life brings a time of difference. start to flourish, why would't you? Im going to fly
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Booked night: 28-Nov-08 Inclusions: Deluxe King Suite. Free in-house movies & parking. Free entry All Aerobics Gym & Hobart Aquatic Centre.

Room name: Deluxe Suite Room description: King size bed. Deep bath spa in ensuite. Spacious Family room with dining suite. TV in lounge & bedroom. A balcony off both rooms!


Booked night: 29-Nov-08 Inclusions: *PAMPER UR PARTNER* Impress with this spacious HARBOUR VIEW room & FREE valet parking. PAMPER ur partner with FREE 1 hour(or you both for 30 minutes each)of in room holistic bliss massage. FREE chilled bottle of bubbles & strawberries with chocolate sauce

Room name: Pamper Your Partner Room description: Enjoy accommodation in a harbour room with glorious views overlooking the harbour, 24 hr room service, in-room broadband & complimentary access to the swimming pool, gymnasium & sauna. Bedding configuration: 1 King (on request)

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[19 May 2008|11:55pm]

Mariah Carey actually IS the devil. It's taken sometime to realise, but she really is bad for me.

On the other hand, NIN are being good to me for getting over the break up and so is Mel C, for restoring my faith in humanity and myself. Really. she makes me better about things. And NIN swiftly move me out of personally sooking WITH mariah and motivate me into action.

Things are getting better. I was asked on a date tonight. so im going to go for it. He seems nice, 24, comes up to the bar a lot to talk, Loves Buffy, is also a barman, knows about native american spirit animals, is a bit daggy, takes a lot of pills.

If alice reads - His name is TIM hahaha
If Donna reads- He LOVES elton john and has seen him twice in concert ahahaahah
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king solomans mines, exit 75, im still alive [30 Apr 2008|07:48pm]
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broken up [30 Apr 2008|04:23am]
i havent left my bed for the last 36 hours. im over it now. now im hungry. i suppose now i get up and eat for 36 hours. i am hungry.

i suppose i'll get my tattoo for you today. then it will all be over and i can find someone really nice and much better for me.

time to eat!
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CMAX aka Maximum CUNTS [05 Apr 2008|11:16am]
disillusioned grrrr

just got excluded from the $4770 cmax study. pretty bummed. comfort eating so dont be suprised if im fat when you next see me.

They decided not to have me when i told them about being depressed in '02/'03. Before that though they were really encouraging me to tell the truth so for the first time i did and now they got rid of me.

In childish spiteful anger i superficially what every subject doing the study to die or turn into vegetables.

Im never telling the truth again.
..its too expensive.

so i guess im stuck here for a little longer...
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CMAX [02 Apr 2008|03:19pm]
Well kids, its that skulling water time again.
Adios Amigos! I'll be gone for 31 Days if i get in. I have my screening at 8am Saturday. I really hope I get in. There are only 15 places for the $4770 big ones.

Testing anti anxiety and anti depressants this time. I have to have neurological tests and eye tests. I better get in. Its a fast ticket out of here!
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[26 Mar 2008|11:22am]

The love of my life gets home tomorrow after being away 2 and a half years. WOO WOO.

Sian has brought Joy back to my life

gharr gharrr so excited
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Island [24 Mar 2008|07:03pm]
OOOhhhhh my first entry in 18 weeks

that can only mean 1 thing, im in Tasmania and so bored i want to commit incest. too bad my family aren't here. generally though im happy to be on holiday escaping from mars for a bit.

Today i went to the 'beach' (gravelly beach its called). It was gravelly.
There were lots of beached huge jellyfish. SO HUGE. I felt sorry for them so i picked them up and plonked then back in the water. ...giving them another half hour to live before they got beached again. None of them stang me. I even actually perferated one picking it up because it was so jellyish. lucky they have no brains or nervous system. i still said sorry though.

ive just finished reading my long lost marianne faithfull autobiography. a large section made me want to get some smack. the bit where she was a junkie living on the street 1971-2. which was pretty bad, but sounded good. then things got really really really heroin fucked up beyond streets to just plain disgusting. so im off that thought path for a while. which is good.

waiting at melb airport for 3 hrs gave me time to watch all the international planes take off. now im itching to leave even more. i could right now if i wanted. and i really really really want too. but i'll save a bit more first i think. but as i watched the planes i wanted it so badly i almost cried. (that's fiest's fault - see 'So Sorry' from the reminder).

I cant wait to get out of australia to a world where no one knows me and i can do whatever i like
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[17 Nov 2007|07:28am]
unhealty but happy a bit. tuesdays are happiest. thurs to sun drunkest seediest tiredest payest mostest. 7.29am. hottest passiest outiest.

money for kieran. money for fun. money for england. money for happy. money for adventure. empty for money. but sacrificed for money. liver takes the blame. liver damage to blank through emotional scaring of the mars bar. happy for money/happy to dream
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[21 Oct 2007|12:05am]
Off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of..

Off to sydney again for 10 days to see Laurie Anderson at the Opera House, I hope she casts a spell.

In other news...

When the world is no longer fun,
when the stars are no longer shining,
Jules and Julie never give in,
The Twins of Destiny keep smiling

...Jules and Julie never give in,
The Twins of Destiny keep smiling...
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Last adelaide show [21 Sep 2007|12:23am]
Just had my final tori show for this tour. It was amazing. My second pip and it was better than the first. Adelaide was her best audience, people were dancing in the aisles, waving their arms, woohooing and tori was FEEDING off the energy. She opened with Cruel and went off as usual. Fat slut had her writing on the floor.

Siren was lovely to hear again

Putting the damage was soft and beautiful, enhanced by Jon’s Cello playing.

Me and a Gun had the audience deadly quiet. All you could hear was the air conditioning, no one moved or breathed.

Parasol made a return, as did a driven Spark.

Cooling was a nice surprise and Code Red rocked the house.

My highlight came after the show, a few meet and greets ago tori and I discussed what symbols were powerful to her that I could get a tattoo of. As I put her on the spot she said she’d get back to me in Adelaide. At the meet and greet today she said see Smitty later. So after the show I hung around for a bit inside and saw Dana and asked her for Smitty and they let me stay for about 20 mins in Tori’s coffee room. I didn’t get to see her really, just fleetingly as she darted to get changed. Then I waited. And waited. And Smitty gave me a note that tori had written for me about the symbols I should get. They are mostly to do with healing. And off I went.

About 30 people were waiting out the back. They were crowding the door so I assumed she would go out the front instead. She shyed her head away from the 10 or so people out the front. When the car was about to leave she waved goodbye to everyone and then when she saw me we made sign language for about 20 seconds. It was beautiful!!!!!! We blew each other kisses, she gestured from her heart to mine. She pointed to her head and then to mine and nodded wisely about the symbols she has given me. It made me very happy and was a lovely ending to my whirlwind tour with her.
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Lovely Tori [20 Sep 2007|05:43pm]
Wow, just met tori for the 5th time, got really special attention today! She gave me a big “HELLLLLOO! HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!” with open arms, which of course I fell into for a nice big hug. Then we were chatting, I was a lot more relaxed today, asked her how her day was and what she got up to in Adelaide. She said she had a friend here and they caught up. She’s been signing 1 thing this tour but today she signed 4 things for me. I didn’t even notice! I handed her some things to hold as I fished my photo of me and her in Newcastle for her to sign, and she signed everything she was holding. All my vinyls so that was a big bonus. In Newcastle I asked her if she had any powerful symbols to her so she could draw it on my somewhere and I would get a tattoo over the top. She was put on the spot in Newcastle so she said she’d think about it and get back to me in Adelaide. Today she said she would be getting Wayne (her bodyguard) after the show to find me and he would give it to me. I’m pretty excited. When she didn’t do the meet and greet for the 2nd syd show because this crazy girl chased her into the building (grrrrrrr!!!!!) I got a photo with Wayne. I took it for him to sign today but he declined. Tori said ‘don’t take it personally Zac, I’ve never known him to sign for anyone. I told her this was my last show and she thanked my for coming to the previous ones and said its been great. She signed an enlarged picture of me and her from Newcastle and said “Aww aren’t we so cute together?” it really made my day. Then we had our final hug and photo and it really has been so nice to get to know one of the most important and significant people in my life.

Two hours til the show!!!! I reckon we will get Isabel but I’m roooooooottin for pip again!
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a few of many [19 Sep 2007|11:35pm]
Newcastle we got Santa along with some of my favourites and tour debuts.... Honey, Northern Lad, Yes Anastasia and .....HOTEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOTEL HOTEL HOTEL!!!!!!!

here are some of my happy snaps so far...

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[17 Sep 2007|02:26pm]

Act I (Pip)

Fat Slut
Smokey Joe
Body & Soul

Costume Change

Act II (Tori)

Big Wheel
Bouncing Off Clouds
Cornflake Girl
Bells For Her


“I will be finally free of him” improv
Silent All These Years

Band Returns

Your Cloud
Code Red

First Encore

Precious Things
A Sorta Fairytale

Second Encore

Hey Jupiter



Act I – Isabel

Yo George
Sweet Dreams
Tubular Bells
Devils and Gods
Almost Rosey


Professional Widow

Act II – Tori

Big Wheel
Cornflake Girl
Liquid Diamonds
Improv > Spring Haze

T & Bö


Band Returns

1000 Oceans
Code Red

First Encore

Precious Things
Tear In Your Hand

Second Encore

Bouncing Off Clouds
Hey Jupiter
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touring [17 Sep 2007|02:12pm]
Well i am half way through my tour and it has been insane. I've met tori twice and gotten hugs and things signed and photos.

the first night she came out as pip, the angry one. It was amazing. She was screaming FUCK ME!!! FUCK MEEEEEEEE! FUCK ME YOU COCKSUCKER!!! she was possessed. she was shaking and her voice was demonic. She opened with CRUEL, it was awesome. Such good set lists, got the waitress, where she belted out BITCH a lot. Precious Things.....oh my god. My head was buzzing like i was on a pill.

The second night was so different. Isabel, the political one, came out smoking a spliff with so much attitude. She killed me. she got inside and ripped my heart out. The crying started with spring haze. she then kept me balwing by following that by winter. then came carbon, my suicide song. then 1000 oceans, the song for my grandparents death and then code red, which appeared to be for my past meth addiction. I was bawling. I was ridgid. the Hey Jupiter for Brad. GGGAAAHHHHHH i was a mess. then I beat 1000 other fans to get her personal setlist with her piano notes and keys on it.

two more to go..! off to newcastle tomorrow. more metting of tori, more photos.

i cannot even describe how much she affected me and how deep inside she went

pip on the 14/9/07

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